Just when you thought it was safe to invite a few close friends over for a kitchen.jpgholiday gift exchange, some individuals simply go gonzo. Normally polite women, like the attractive, usually restrained Elaine (to protect her clients I am omitting her full name), can — given the prospect of a free present — lose all control. She wasn’t alone the other night at the tastefully-decorated home of Susan “knits in her sleep” Beach. There were others, women who know better but just plain lost it at the prospect of opening presents BEFORE CHRISTMAS!

Desperate Housewives. It started quietly enough. Elaine roamed through theelaine.jpg gleaming expanse of the recently remodelled Beach kitchen, picking at appetizer plates, rolling her eyes, making little moaning sounds. Then more cheese platters arrived. More moaning. Before we knew it, the place was crackling with pent-up female energy ready to explode.

Out of Control and Well-Accessorized. Here’s an example: pasta (from my friend Joan Levine’s Camouflage) shaped, well, like a certain part of human anatomy. Well this was certainly not my grandmother’s gift exchange, I can tell you. And by the time Elaine grabbed (yes, grabbed) for the large present in the center of pasta.jpgthe table, she went, well, ballistic.

The rest isn’t appropriate for a public venue, but you can use your imagination. Holiday gift exchange — think about it.